Tuesday, February 16, 2016

All That Glitters

Lords of Avarice! How long have I been asleep? How could I tell? When you are as unchanging as a hoarded gold piece, time is...pretty meaningless.

I mean, you get dumped either in a cavern or in a chest and left there. For who knows how long. Ages? Minutes? Years? Centuries? Millennia? Until the end of the world? Don't laugh, I know some pieces who were cast and stamped six thousand years ago and were left to, well, not rot, but sit in a moldering chest until scooped up by some adventurer.

I guess that gold piece must be cursed, because it's right here with me. In the Dragon's hoard.

What is that frakkin light? I cannot see a thing! Well, if I had eyes. Wait. I can still see. what the existential crisis! I'm a gold piece! But I can see! Wait. I'm...reasoning. This opens up a whole lot of weirdness. I'm going to need to think this through...

Oh No!

I'm rising up! Why!?! AN ADVENTURER!

He's tall. He's handsome. He's the very imagine of a hero. But he's so damned young. He looks really inexperienced! Oh no! He's going to be lunch! The dragon!

I don't subscribe to the philosophical conceit everyone has levels. I mean, come on, you can quantify experiences? And directly compare random people like that? C'mon. Yes, yes, there are people who are obviously better than others at things. But to slap a number of something like that is awfully subjective! Especially when its such a generic number for their entire being! Yeesh.

WTH did THAT come from?! I'm a philosopher gold piece or something?! I am actually, well, THINKING! Am I photoelectric or something?

Wait. What's photoelectric mean? How do I EVEN KNOW THAT WORD?!

Okokok, Calm down.

The adventurer is looking me over. Maybe I can warn him off. Scare him away.

Shoo! Shoo! RUN! Look! You're GOING TO GET EATEN! RUN! RUN!

Wait. How did I know about the six thousand year old coin then?!


Nonononono Not a bag! You idiot!

And blackness.

And then fire.

And then bouncing away from the exploded hero.

Well, I'm not going back in the chest or the bag...only problem is I'm sorta melted: dragon fire is hot.

The next adventurer who wants to pick me up better be Hercules or troll.

no. Not a troll! PLEASE!

No comments: