Friday, December 30, 2016

Dawn on Jefferson; Chapter Nine: Attack of the Awknerds or This is NOT how Adventures are Supposed to Start

Adventures, I have always imagined, were supposed to start with the blaring or trumpets and banging of gongs as people marched out of a great greek or medieval city, banners flying, and everyone set in armor with swords and crowds looking on with a blessing of the priest or king or whatever.

Or perhaps sneaking away in the dark of night to find in active camouflage and no noise at all, just the chirping of an AI assistant bot as the sole noise as the mission, the adventure, began wrapped in silence and concern about the ever present all seeing eyes of the state and spies.

But, no.  That's not how it happened to me.

Oh no.

That would have been too wonderful.

Too kind, too sweet of fate to do that to me.  Instead, she decided to smirk and pull my my proverbial pig tail.

She sent the awknerds to wake me up through braying at me.

They meant it as a serenade to embarrass their 'leader,' Aitan.  Aitan had a crush on me.  He had since he was 6.  He was smart and nice, but very, very awkawrd in everything he did.  And he was nerdy.  hence, awknerd.  His friends were cut from the same cloth.

There's nothing wrong with Aitan or being a nerd.  I'm geeky myself and so are my friends, the Merry Pranksters.  It's just I don't like him that way and be simply won't give up.  He got the message, finally, after so many silly little gestures and gifts.  It was infuriating at the time.  Well, sweet, but unwanted as first, but later, more and more infuriating.  Then he stopped.  

However, he made the mistake of telling his friends, the others in his clique, The Awknerds, he had a crush on me.  This led to THEM pulling stunts on me to embarrass and humiliate poor Aitan.  He tried to apologize once, but I was so mad I chewed him instead.  Poor Aitan, that merely made his friends redouble their efforts.

There they were, right outside our taxito bubble, serenading me.  Tom was laughing hysterically once we figured out what was going on.  Rosa started up her Immie camera and began streaming the horrible performance.  I got up and started yelling at them to go away and stop.  That made Tom laugh harder and Veena started scribbling down notes on her paper.

The Awknerds launched into a second song when I started getting on my leathers.  I as so mad I was going to use a needler on them, on sleep, of course, I swear.  When I got on my gloves, the Awknerds ran and ran so hard it was actually funny.  They slipped and fell all over each other, running like mechanical clocks and giraffes on too much caffeine.  It was funny, but I didn't want to crack a smile it might encourage them again.

I turned to the inner airlock door on the taxito bubble and Rosa's flying Immie camera was right in my face.  Ok, Rosa, you asked for it!

I pulled out my needler and overly dramatically checked it.  I struck a pose and turned to the camera with a mean, determined look on my face.  

"This ends NOW!  And forever!  We are having Awknerd for dinner tonight."

And I pushed past the hovering Immie camera and through the airlock doors.

Acting!  It was all acting!  Sheesh!  No Awknerds were harmed in the production of this adventure.  At least not by my friends and I!  Sheesh!

I ran after the fleeing Awknerds, brandishing my needler and yelling loudly enough the entire camp started cheering.  No one likes the sound of of braying Awknerd first thing in the morning.

As I raced after them, little did I know I was racing for the first big adventure of my life.

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